There's something beautiful about awareness, even when it's super tough to be aware.
Yesterday, I knew I'd be going on a walk.
That's a beautiful thing.
Somehow, even though the walk was happening later than I thought it might have done and I made myself a bit wrong for being a bit slow at getting it together. The only time the walk was ever going to happen.
On the way, I swung by the local shop and bought a cheese roll.
Now, I feel uncomfortable about eating cheese.
I have quite a lot of awareness about what happens to make cheese and I'm noticing trickiness about my body choosing it. And being in as much allowance as possible and watching the lot.
So, off I trundled in the drizzle, down the country lane and following the energy. Yes, this way!....Aha! This way... Ok, we're going this way. And enjoying the increased presence I've been getting from the sessions I've recorded lately and the Bars and body processes that followed, the communion I've been having with Vishnu and crystals and nature spirits and other entities. Everything is vaster in my consciousness.
And I notice that in the field I'm about to walk into are cows.
There is a fleeting acknowledgement that I have a cheese sandwich and it feels like I'm about to sit in the field and eat the sandwich with the cattle.
My attention is drawn to a grassy mini mound I'm going to sit on. And the cows are a bit of a distance from me. I'm flooded, as usual, with awareness about the food chain and various other energetic things. And I'm aware of other things too - what my body is aware of and a myriad of other things, not least the pleasure of being out in nature, enjoying the company of trees and the absence of people and noticing developments in my world.
Telepathically, I commune with the cows and ask them what awareness they can share with me about the food industry and how do they feel about my cheese roll. I immediately get a flood of delight that I'm about to eat cheese - from them. They are really happy I'm going to eat it and they encourage me. All the while they carry on eating the grass.
I do what I do and appreciate them, receive them and wonder if they'll notice. Of course they do straight away (I receive that energetically), but they carry on munching the grass. Then one of them notices something unusual about me and looks straight at me. I've had some amazing experiences with cattle before and I wonder what might happen here, sitting on my grassy knoll in the fine drizzle. The look continues with a lot of gentleness and curiosity.
Then the others notice that this one has spotted something out of the usual and in twos and threes they join in. Then they're all looking and they begin to move towards me. Do I move? They're big and I have been chased by a bull once and more slowly by a herd of bullocks. There's nothing to fear, so I remain open to them and receive them still, as they draw closer and closer. They're curious and asking themselves questions about me and increment by increment their choice to fully engage with me increases.
They're smelling the oils I've put on my skin, they're sensing my energy and more. And I am noticing a load of things about them. And while I'm perceiving this and the things they know and experience being cattle in relationship to humans, I am wondering if I'm making this up and know I'm not. This one shows me an experience he had very young that took him from his mother (it hurts me) and I notice how he is with it. He asks me why do you do that (take us from our mothers)? No judgment, but curiosity. I can sense what he has been through. And he's very sweet to me. Another shows me something else and another and another - all of them are showing me something and I expand my allowance and receive it all.
One has been looking at me with particular intimacy and beauty. For some time. He continues to be particularly direct and lovely - the most beautiful, shiny eyes. He shows me the image of how he's going to die and it's brutal. He has some trepidation about it and continues to be so loving and sweet and he asks me about it. I'm flooded with all the compassion that many of us have about these things and I burst into tears.
I'd already begun singing to them. That's what drew them closer - just outside arm's reach. While I've been receiving these images and sensations, I've also been receiving the beautiful way they are receiving me. It's beyond beautiful. We all know this is a wonderful moment and there won't ever be another like it.
And the one who showed me his death with so much beauty comes close enough for me to gently touch his nose. And I carry on making sound and I remember what other bullocks showed me once before - where they come from - and I sing about this place, transcending all the suffering and bringing to all of us the remembrance of beautiful origins far, far away. They appreciate that, as I do.
Some of the bullocks have moved into the next field. And then the farmer drives over the top of the hill and stops to watch what's happening. I can sense stuff there too. I motion to the cows that it's time to move on and they do.
And then I get up and continue my walk, in a still different way, along the tree embraced path with the nature spirits, choosing to be in the moment and noticing that with the things I've been doing lately, that's a lot easier.